HOLIDAY CONSUMERISM: Where Do You Go If You Don’t Want to Buy Anything?
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| Sale, sale, SALE! = Buy, buy BUY! Photo by Arno Senoner on Unsplash |
"...Americans love the mall. They love the mall. That’s where they get to satisfy their two most prominent addictions at the same time. Shopping and eating. Millions of semiconscious Americans day after day shuffling through the malls shopping and eating."
As the clock struck midnight on October 31st and all the Halloween candy was downgraded to bottom shelves with 50% off stickers, merchandisers everywhere were pulling out the Christmas decorations.
It's the most - financially - wonderful time of the year for anyone with anything to sell. (Not so much for those of us doing the buying.)
But where do you go if you don’t want to consume anything? If, as per George Carlin, you don't want to "shop and eat?"
I asked myself that question last weekend when, for the first time in a long time, I went to the biggest mall in the city where I live.
I used to spend a lot of time shopping in that mall. I worked downtown and every day on my lunch break I would go there to browse; I saw it as an excuse to leave my desk and take a walk. I wish I hadn’t needed the excuse because I spent a lot of money on a lot of things I didn’t need.
To be fair, I did use most of the things I purchased; clothes, shoes, beauty products, etc. But I used them in order to get dressed up to go to my job…where I spent my lunch hours buying things I used to go to my job…
I asked myself that question last weekend when, for the first time in a long time, I went to the biggest mall in the city where I live.
I used to spend a lot of time shopping in that mall. I worked downtown and every day on my lunch break I would go there to browse; I saw it as an excuse to leave my desk and take a walk. I wish I hadn’t needed the excuse because I spent a lot of money on a lot of things I didn’t need.
To be fair, I did use most of the things I purchased; clothes, shoes, beauty products, etc. But I used them in order to get dressed up to go to my job…where I spent my lunch hours buying things I used to go to my job…
And so the circle of consumer life continues.
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| Sigh. I'm certain I'd be happier if my wheel was red. Photo by Matt Bero on Unsplash |
Now after working from home for four years, most of those fancy things have spent a lot of time in the closet. When I’m not busy trying to impress people I work with, there seems no reason to wear most of the things in my wardrobe.
I don’t know if it’s a result of the pandemic, getting older, or a combination of both, but I’ve developed a serious intolerance to being uncomfortable in what I wear. (I have stilettos in my closet that I’ve eyed wearily and thought “Why did I ever do that to myself?”)
I’ve also begun to care so very much less about what other people think of me. I’ve started to gauge my self-worth on who I am, versus what I own or what I wear.
I know the people who truly care about me don’t care what I look like, and I feel the same. I don’t notice what my friends are wearing because I'm just happy to see them; nothing else matters.
I’ve also discovered the truth with a capital T, and that is that no one is really paying attention to anyone but themselves.
Meaning nobody cares what you look like.
I discovered this for sure as a result of an epically bad haircut I got last spring. This haircut was so atrocious that it caused me to wear my hair in a top bun for five months; no one commented on this. When I did get my haircut again and let down the bun, once again, no one commented.
Maybe it didn’t matter because as I said, for the people who care about me, what I look like is of little consequence.
Or maybe it didn’t matter because people generally aren’t paying attention to anyone but themselves. We are each the centre of our own universe, and therefore pay very little attention to anything or anyone that doesn’t immediately affect that universe.
I discovered this for sure as a result of an epically bad haircut I got last spring. This haircut was so atrocious that it caused me to wear my hair in a top bun for five months; no one commented on this. When I did get my haircut again and let down the bun, once again, no one commented.
Maybe it didn’t matter because as I said, for the people who care about me, what I look like is of little consequence.
Or maybe it didn’t matter because people generally aren’t paying attention to anyone but themselves. We are each the centre of our own universe, and therefore pay very little attention to anything or anyone that doesn’t immediately affect that universe.
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| Mirror, mirror on the wall; who’s the most important one of all? Photo by Intricate Explorer on Unsplash |
All that to say: I don’t need new things. I would guess that at this point in your life (if you’ve been here for a while) you’ve amassed your fair share of stuff and don’t need anything else either.
My purpose for being at the mall last weekend was to purchase consumables; that is to say, things that I would eventually use up which wouldn’t leave a trace in my closet or on the planet.
(I went to Lush to buy all of my favourite natural bath products. As Ned Stark would say, winter is coming, especially here in Canada, and when it gets that cold, bath time is a nightly occurrence in order to shake that bone-deep chill.)
The only clothing store I went into was Anthropologie; I adore the fancy but whimsical nature of their clothing.
My purpose for being at the mall last weekend was to purchase consumables; that is to say, things that I would eventually use up which wouldn’t leave a trace in my closet or on the planet.
(I went to Lush to buy all of my favourite natural bath products. As Ned Stark would say, winter is coming, especially here in Canada, and when it gets that cold, bath time is a nightly occurrence in order to shake that bone-deep chill.)
The only clothing store I went into was Anthropologie; I adore the fancy but whimsical nature of their clothing.
When I walked in last weekend, there were so many pretty things I would have liked to buy. Things I could have bought if I had wanted to.
But I didn’t.
But I didn’t.
Because my current life has me home most of the time and I just don’t see the use of hanging around the house in fancy clothes. More power to those who have the desire and motivation to do that, however I do not.
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| Tell me I'm pretty. Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash |
Something else the pandemic made me realize is the best thing you can have in an emergency is an emergency fund. Money that will allow you to sleep soundly at night because you know for sure you can pay your bills.
The emergency fund is more important than the stuff. I’ve often looked in my closet and wished I could get my money back on some of the foolish purchases I made. But since I can’t, the only thing I can do is not make foolish purchases from this point forward; to think very carefully before I commit to owning more things.
The other thing I’ve realized, finally, is that marketers and advertisers are lying to us. Big, fat, liar, liar, pants on fire lies.
There is nothing we can buy or consume that will change our lives or change the way we feel about ourselves.
Unless a purchase solves a problem - e.g. you don't have winter boots, so you buy a pair, and now you can go outside in winter and keep your feet warm and dry - then no new purchase will change your life.
Needs SUSTAIN you.
The emergency fund is more important than the stuff. I’ve often looked in my closet and wished I could get my money back on some of the foolish purchases I made. But since I can’t, the only thing I can do is not make foolish purchases from this point forward; to think very carefully before I commit to owning more things.
The other thing I’ve realized, finally, is that marketers and advertisers are lying to us. Big, fat, liar, liar, pants on fire lies.
There is nothing we can buy or consume that will change our lives or change the way we feel about ourselves.
Unless a purchase solves a problem - e.g. you don't have winter boots, so you buy a pair, and now you can go outside in winter and keep your feet warm and dry - then no new purchase will change your life.
Needs SUSTAIN you.
Wants ENTERTAIN you.
This has been greatly disappointing to me, because I was convinced that if I had the right clothes, the right shoes, the right purse, the right make-up, the right whatever, I would be better, my life would be better, I would be happier, and I would love and accept myself more.
This has not proven to be the case.
The way I feel about myself has changed only through a process of getting rid of negative self-beliefs as imposed by my family and my past.
This has been greatly disappointing to me, because I was convinced that if I had the right clothes, the right shoes, the right purse, the right make-up, the right whatever, I would be better, my life would be better, I would be happier, and I would love and accept myself more.
This has not proven to be the case.
The way I feel about myself has changed only through a process of getting rid of negative self-beliefs as imposed by my family and my past.
And that has nothing to do with what I’m wearing.
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| Shop 'til you drop... Or fall over in those heels. Photo by Alexander Kovacs on Unsplash |
Last weekend I power walked through the mall.
As per usual, I had a list; the stores that I planned to visit and what I was going to purchase in each of them. I did not deviate from my list because I wanted to get in and out as quickly as possible.
But as I walked, I observed the many people lingering, shopping, eating, consuming.
And that’s when I asked myself something I’ve wondered more and more in the past few years: if I don’t want to buy anything, and I don’t want to eat or drink anything, then where do I go?
And that’s when I asked myself something I’ve wondered more and more in the past few years: if I don’t want to buy anything, and I don’t want to eat or drink anything, then where do I go?
Because in North America, most social plans or get-togethers seem to be based around one of those two things per George Carlin: shopping and eating.
I found it overwhelming and couldn’t wait to get away.
As soon as I got home, I put on my walking shoes and went for a long quiet walk. Just me in the sun, with the sky and trees and wind.
As soon as I got home, I put on my walking shoes and went for a long quiet walk. Just me in the sun, with the sky and trees and wind.
No sounds except for my own footsteps.
I still don’t have an answer to the question: where can we go when we don’t want to consume anything? Where is that place?
Nature is a good start.
But then what does it look like to be around people who aren’t in the throes of consuming something?
What does one do when one doesn’t want to do the things that society is doing?
Nature is a good start.
But then what does it look like to be around people who aren’t in the throes of consuming something?
What does one do when one doesn’t want to do the things that society is doing?
When we finally discover that there's nothing we can buy, nothing we can eat, drink, or consume, that will ever fill the hole in our hearts the way that peace within ourselves and true connection to others will?
I think that's something that we each have to define for ourselves.
I think that's something that we each have to define for ourselves.
To the neon God they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, “The words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls,
And whispered in the sounds of silence.”
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| Photo by Claudio Schwarz on Unsplash |
You might be asking yourself "How does this topic relate to recovery from binge-eating?" What I found is that - for me - finding new ways of thinking about life and its challenges helped me to stop stress-eating, and has been a very big part of my ability to stop binge-eating.
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