NEW YEAR's RESOLUTIONS FOR A-TYPES: Resolve Not to Resolve Anything
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| What do you mean you're not setting ANY goals?! Photo by Natalie Kinnear on Unsplash |
We're a few days away from the New Year, again. Is it just me or does time seem to go by faster and faster as we age?
I mean, there are weeks that feel slow, maybe when we're doing something we don't like or when we're waiting for something to happen.
But the months?
Why, they just zoom past in a cloud of dust!
Somehow, here we are, a quarter of century into the new millennium. How did that happen? (Where is my flying car?! Didn't The Jetsons promise us this?)
Regardless of how we've arrived at this point, the New Year is nigh. For many of us this can mean going through the time-honoured tradition of setting a resolution. (New year, new you! That's how all successful change happens...)
According to History.com, New Year's resolutions have been around for about 4000 years, and it was a tradition started by the ancient Babylonians. (I wonder if ancient civilizations were better at sticking to their resolutions than we modern folks are?)
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| This year, I resolve to work harder on my cave paintings. Photo by Crawford Jolly on Unsplash |
In the spirit of tradition, here's my resolution for this year: I resolve not to resolve anything.
Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking; at first glance this doesn't seem like a challenge.
"So you're gonna do... nothing?"
But for those of us who are always doing something - aka type A personalities - learning to let go can be a tall order.
According to Wikipedia, Type A personalities are: ambitious, rigidly organized... impatient, anxious, proactive, and concerned with time management. People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving workaholics. They push themselves with deadlines, and hate both delays and ambivalence.
Because I sure do; I live and die by my To-Do list. Although I've mellowed out to a certain extent now that I'm in my mid-forties, I can still relate to most of that.
But I'm at a point now where I want the frantic pace at which I've chosen to live my life to slow down. (And chosen is the right word, because a lot of the tasks and deadlines I set are self-imposed, which makes it all the more ridiculous when I find myself frantically rushing around. Perhaps you can relate?)
Why am I finally ready to slow down?
Because I'm tired.
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| Shhh. I is 'thleepin... Photo by Jordan Whitt on Unsplash |
Living at a frantic pace taxes your adrenal system, because you're always on high-alert, ready to jump into action.
That kind of frantic reactivity has served me well in certain jobs, most notably waitressing and events management.
Where many people are frozen into inaction during times of stress, Type A's shine in these moments as they rush around in a methodical manner and Git-R-Done like a boss.
However, now that I have a job which has about as much urgency as watching grass-grow (or paint dry, take your pick), I've continued to pressure myself to achieve things in my personal life.
Most recently, I set myself the goal of writing and publishing 123 posts in 2025. (365 days divided by 3 - a new post every three days - and then rounded up. Like I said people, Type A.)
Which caused me to immediately want to stop writing.
Here's an uncomfortable truth about taking the thing you love and making it into something you have to do - aka a GOAL; it turns it from a pleasurable activity to just another task you need to get done.
And then, perhaps like me, it makes you want to stop doing it.
Setting goals can be a very good thing; for those of you who lack direction, a goal can be a helpful compass guiding your daily decisions.
But for those of you who have lists of goals that you also live and die by, it can become a burden.
Maybe it's time to let go of all the goal-setting and just live.
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| Oh yeah, just livin' my best life! Photo by Patrick Hendry on Unsplash |
Now, if you're Type A, this likely sounds terrible. (Unless, you - like me - are also tired.)
But I'm here to suggest that you can get everything done in a non-rigid, non-goal-orientated manner.
How?
Taoism.
Wait - before you think I'm gonna go all woo-woo on you, hear me out. Or more specifically, listen to the Taoist Theory of Wu-Wei (the law of non-doing).
“Make all the necessary changes, then let go. Things will happen naturally and in their own time. If you are too anxious and try to force things to happen, you will be going against the grain. Simply sit back, relax, and go with the flow.”
See there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to improve yourself or your life.
If you're not growing, you're dying, am I right? (insert eye roll...)
But there's a difference between rigid-adherence versus flow.
Let's take Weight Loss as an example, since this is so often what New Year's resolutions are centred around.
RIGID WEIGHT LOSS
Drastically alter your nutrition in some manner; cut out entire food groups, track every morsel you put in your mouth, and greatly reduce your caloric intake.
Basically, the rigid approach is all about micromanaging the process.
FLOW WEIGHT LOSS
Identify the habit which is causing the biggest issue.
Most of you already know what you're doing that's hindering your progress: night-time snacking, not exercising, forgetting to eat and then overeating, etc.
Make that change first - without the expectation of perfect adherence - and then let time do its work.
Rigidity implies that you ignore the circumstances of your life as you forge ahead towards your goal.
Flow means that you ride the waves of your life in the direction you want to go.
Like the Wu-Wei says - make all the necessary changes, then let go.
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| (Insert cheesy motivational quote e.g. "Success requires climbing a mountain full of obstacles.") Photo by Tom Cleary on Unsplash |
With all that said, back to my resolution: I resolve not to resolve anything.
I don’t wanna have a goal because I’m so tired of goals.
For the first time in my life, everything is pretty good, and I just want to enjoy that. To enjoy life - what a novel idea!
I don't want to feel as though I constantly have to strive to be more, to do more, to have more.
I’m tired of hustling to optimize or maximize or somehow improve things.
It's not as though I’m sitting here like a sloth not doing anything.
I do things.
I produce stuff.
I participate in life.
But I’d like to do all of that from a heartfelt place as a result of pursuing my curiosities, versus some need to reach a particular goal.
Having a goal means living in the space of not having achieved it.
It means waiting to arrive there, at the place where the thing is accomplished, because you think you'll feel something - feel different, feel validated - once you do.
But I’ve discovered that isn’t the case; once you get to any milestone, there’s just another milestone.
And I can tell you from my own experience, the only thing you get living with a goal-oriented mindset is that you're always waiting to arrive somewhere.
If you live life looking ahead at each next milestone, you miss the experience of the present moment.
I've spent my whole life waiting to get to a particular weight, a specific career, the perfect relationship.
I’ve spent my life waiting, instead of enjoying the experience of being alive.
But I’m 44-years-old and I think it's about damn time I got to just enjoy my life.
Therefore... I resolve not to resolve anything this new year.
I'm not going to set any goals, and I'm going to practice actually living in the present moment to see what that's like for a change.
New Year's resolutions are about a challenge; something that's a stretch for you.
If you're not a goal setter, maybe that's the stretch. Maybe you need to set a few goals to give yourself some direction.
But if you're someone who - like me - has spent their life setting goals, then maybe the stretch is not to.
Maybe the challenge is just to let go.
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| Just chillin'. Photo by Zdeněk Macháček on Unsplash |
You might be asking yourself "How does this topic relate to recovery from binge-eating?" What I found is that - for me - finding new ways of thinking about life and its challenges helped me to stop stress-eating, and has been a very big part of my ability to stop binge-eating.
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