Feeling Introvert Guilt During My Honeymoon

I don't wanna... Photo by Yevhen Stienin on Unsplash

My husband and I recently got back from our (belated) honeymoon. We went to the Bahamas for some sun, sea, and sand, and also to get away from our Canadian winter which had been putting up the good fight. (There was a storm the night before we left thereby validating our decision.)

INTROVERTS VERSUS EXTROVERTS

During our honeymoon, I had more than one moment of internal struggle with what I call "introvert guilt" - feeling guilty for not wanting to go out.

If you're an introvert, I know you get this (because it's a constant struggle for you too!) but if you're an extrovert, let me explain this internal battle.

We live in an extroverted world, and that's because you extroverts are out there doing things and making noise about what you're doing, while us introverts are quietly minding our own business at home.

The extroverts - because of their very nature - get the most airtime.

This makes all of us introverts (or just me?) constantly feel like we're supposed to be out there doing things we don't actually want to do. (My husband calls it "going out to be among the people" and the tone in which he says it implies a sense of duty. Yes, my husband is also an introvert.)

It takes a tremendous amount of energy for me to convince myself to leave the house to go out and be social. I really have to be in the right frame of mind; all the stars have to align. And even then, I tend to prefer one-on-one get-togethers or small groups versus big events.

During our honeymoon, there were - obviously - many opportunities to go out and do stuff.

One night in particular, there was a fish fry on the beach. According to my husband (who's been to this event before), this entails standing in line for food in the heat, while lots of very loud music plays in the background, surrounded by crowds of people most of whom are there to drink a copious amount of rum-based beverages.

I felt as though maybe we should go... maybe...?

(Notice there was no expression of desire in that sentence, it was more a feeling of obligation.)

I tried to talk myself into it:

• We're on our honeymoon
• We should take advantage of this unique opportunity
• We should socialize with other people
• It could be fun...?

That right there?

That's introvert guilt in action.

There's the default introvert setting - I want to stay in my bubble - fighting with the extroverted world's pressure to participate.

Maybe next time, ok? Photo by Greg Lippert on Unsplash

While I was having this struggle, I tried to think of other events back home that might be similar to this event in order to gauge my true level of interest. (Sometimes if you remove the novelty factor, you can see things for what they are.)

Every summer, there's an annual music festival that I never go to. It's a really big deal: who's coming to town this year, who you'll go with, should you buy an all-access pass or just tickets for the shows you like, etc.

THE REASONS I NEVER GO TO THE MUSIC FESTIVAL

You Gotta Stand in Line(s)

(To get in, to go to the washroom, to purchase food and drinks)

Listen, I hate standing in line and the only times I will do so is when I have no other choice; at the grocery store, at the DMV, etc.

I refuse to stand in line for something I don't absolutely need.

It's Hot

(Because it takes place in the middle of summer)

Unless I'm beside a body of water I can swim in, I hate the heat. I'm always too hot on the best of days, so in an open field in the middle of a large crowd, I will definitely be too hot.

Noise

(Loud music, people shouting to be heard)

Unless I'm in the car by myself and a favourite song comes on that I can sing to at the top of my lungs, I don't want to hear loud music.

Crowds

(Aka - lots of people)

Large groups of people are overwhelming and hard to control; mob mentality is a thing.

I once heard Brene Brown say: "I have a great love for humanity but I'm mas o menos on people."

I feel the same.

Crowds of Drunk People

(Aka - lots of unruly people)

As much as I dislike crows, I loathe crowds of drunk people even more. 

Listen, I have nothing against anyone letting loose and having a good time. The problem with people who are tipsy is they have no concept of personal space.

The more they've had to drink, the closer they're willing to get to you until you start getting elbows in the ribs and spittle in your face.

Before you know it, your feet are wet and sticky because some drunk chick has just spilled her cocktail on your (open-toed) shoes. (True story.)

THE CONFINES OF REALITY

I thought of all of these things while I was trying to should myself into going to this fish fry in the Bahamas.

"Wait a minute, all the reasons I never go to the music festival are the same things I would be faced with at the fish fry. I definitely don't wanna go."

(See? When I removed the novelty factor, my decision was easy.)

My husband said the same thing "I would go if you really wanted to, but I'm happy to stay in with my honey." (One of the many reasons why I married him.)

So instead of going to the fish fry, we ordered seafood pizza (Lobster, shrimp, and crab on a pizza? YES please!!) and snuggled on the couch while watching our current favourite TV series.

Although staying in wasn't a novelty for either of us, seafood pizza was a first so we did get to experience something new.

(Hey, you work with what you got, ok?)

Lobster, shrimp and crab, oh my! Image Credit: Author

What I discovered - AGAIN - during this trip is that wherever you go, there you are.

Being in a different place doesn't change who you are, it just brings your personality into sharp focus.

My husband and I are introverts; we're quite capable of going out and socializing occasionally, but generally we like our quiet evenings at home. Being on our honeymoon didn't change who we are or what we like to do.

As with so many things in life, I believe acceptance is the key.

Knowing who you are and working with that - instead of trying to change who you are - is what ultimately leads to a peaceful life.

Shh... I is meditatin' on self-acceptance... Photo by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash

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You might be asking yourself "How does this topic relate to recovery from binge-eating?" What I found is that - for me - finding new ways of thinking about life and its challenges helped me to stop stress-eating, and has been a very big part of my ability to stop binge-eating.

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