CURLS: The Best Thing I’ve Done This Year Is to Stop Straightening My Hair

Do you envy my luscious locks? Photo by Craig Thomas on Unsplash

LUSCIOUS LOCKS

I have curly hair.

A lot of it. 

Like, a LOT.

A former hairdresser once said I had the equivalent of THREE heads of hair.

Now, before you envy my luscious locks, I will remind you that everything in life comes at a price.

Literally.

I LIKE BIG HAIR... and I cannot lie

I've never paid the regular price for a haircut - ever.

Because of the amount of hair I have - and the amount of time it takes for even a very experienced hair stylist to cut and blow dry it - I always get charged on average 30-50% more for a haircut. (And I've learned the hard way that I absolutely must pay the premium price for an experienced stylist because I do not have "beginner" hair. So, even more expensive.)

Aside from the money, this hair also requires a lot of time to tame, because with this unruly mane, there's no such thing as "wash and wear."

I used to spend 45-minutes with my hair dryer and a big round brush straightening my hair.

(Yes, for real. With hair this thick, you can't just pull a brush through it and be done, you have to section it, and then patiently deal with each section one at a time. When I dry my hair, I have 14 sections to deal with: Three each on the back left and right, two each on the sides left and right, plus four on top = 14. Now tell me, are you still sitting there wishing you had really thick hair?)

Because it took so long, I brought a chair into the bathroom, and watched a movie or listened to an audio book while I worked. (Thank you noise-cancelling ear buds.)

Once I was done, I had to vacuum because of the amount of stray hair that was rolling around the bathroom floor like tumbleweeds.

In total, this took a full hour - the set-up, the blow-dry, the take-down, the clean-up.

In recent years, because somebody - FINALLY - thought to merge a hair dryer and a hair brush (seriously, why did it take so long?) and invented this all-in-one gadget, I was able to cut my blow dry time down 30-minutes. (Plus 15-minutes for the set-up, take-down, and clean-up.)

So less time, but still a long time.

There's just so much, you know? Photo by Jessica Burnett on Unsplash

BEING BALD

The only time in my life I've had "low-maintenance" hair was in high school.

Back then, I didn't understand my hair at all; I not only didn't know how to work with the curls, but I didn't know how to straighten it either.

Because of this, I finally got so frustrated with it that one day, I walked into a barbershop and told the barber to take it all off.

He asked me if I was sure.

I said yes.

I walked out nearly bald.

(I had been inspired by Demi Moore because G.I. Jane had recently come out and I thought if she could pull it off, so could I. What I failed to realize was that I was an awkward and slightly chubby high-school kid and didn't come anywhere close to looking like her.)

Later that same year, thinking I could give myself a haircut using my dad's clippers (because how hard can it be right?) I gave myself a bald spot so severe that I had to have my entire head buzz-cut again.

It's very liberating not to have hair.

But G.I. Jane wasn't a look I wanted to maintain, so I had to learn to work with what I had.

Why yes, I did get a haircut. Photo by Sandy Millar on Unsplash

WORKING WITH IT... sort of

I've spent my life arranging my workout schedules around "When do I have time to blow dry my hair?"

(I'm not the only one - this is a real girl thing.)

This was very confining because it meant I could never do a spontaneous work-out or anything else that involved sweating or getting my hair wet if I didn't have the time to sit down and blow-dry it afterwards.

There was no such thing as a "quick" workout, because anytime I broke a sweat, I needed to add blow-dry time.

There were a lot of things I didn't do because I didn't have time to dry my hair afterwards. (Yes, I know this is sad, but I also know I’m not the only one…)

If you're sitting there thinking this all sounds complicated and labour-intensive - bordering on a hostage situation - you would be right.

I literally felt as though I was being held hostage by my hair.

Earlier this year, I wrote a list of things that would improve the quality of my life. At the top of that list was "Learning how to leave my hair curly."

When you're busy fighting your true nature, it saps so much vital energy.

I've spent a lifetime trying to be someone else; a neatly defined and well-contained straight-haired person.

I worked as hard to tame my free-spirit as I did to tame my curls.

But I wanted to learn how to work with what I had.

I wanted to just... be myself.

Wait, that's an option?! Photo by Vital Sinkevich on Unsplash

WHY THE BATTLE?

You might be reading all this asking: Why not just accept the curly hair?

Answer: Style-trends.

I was born in the 80's but grew up in the 90's.

After the puffed-up perms of the 80's, the 90's was all about smooth hair.

I mean, the 90's are what gave the world "The Rachel" - a haircut made so famous by Jennifer Aniston on the show Friends that it has its own Wikipedia page.

Also, what I didn't realize until much later in life is that my dad thought curly hair was ugly. I've spent my life trying to get my father's approval, and that included having the right hair.

Funny isn't it, all the ways we bend and twist ourselves inside and out to get the approval of those who raised us?

We were so young, and those who raised us were our world.

It can take a long time and a lot of growing up before we realize their opinions aren't gospel.

No this isn't a perm. Do you smell rotten-eggs? Photo by Bernd 📷 Dittrich on Unsplash

FINDING MY TRIBE

Until recently, my hairdresser was a bald man.

Whenever he cut it, my hair looked good as long as it was straight, but the curls never sat right.

Finally I thought: "I need a new hairdresser, one who can deal with the hair I have because they have the same hair I do."

I perused a few websites until I found a young woman who looked like she had the same thick curls.

I went in for a consult first. VERY IMPORTANT.

TANGENT: I have sat in the chair of a new (and overconfident) hairdresser who said "Yeah, yeah, no problem."

They look at my (straightened) hair and think "What's this lady on about?"

And then they wash it, and the curls come alive. (Much like a freshly sprouted Chia pet.)

And then they start cutting and realize just how much hair I've got.

That's when a look of panic crosses their face (which I get to see in the mirror) as they realize they are literally in over their head.

And then my heart sinks as I realize: we're both going to regret this.

Anyhow, I digress...

With this new hairdresser, the cuts were good - better than those of the bald man - but still geared towards the need to straighten my hair.

Then one day earlier this year, as I was Googling haircuts prior to my hair appointment, I came upon something called the Wolf cut.

Because my hair is both thick AND curly, I knew I needed a style that would give me lots of layers - more than I've ever had - so as not to end up with the Dilbert-style triangle hair. (aka - The haircut I rocked all through grade school.)

I brought the pictures to my hairdresser and... my life changed forever.

Yes, this is far more manageable. Photo by KUSHAGRA DHALL on Unsplash

WORKING WITH IT... for real

I now only straighten the bangs (because I don't like the curls in my face), and then diffuse the rest of the hair so the curl keeps its shape.

The one thing I learned from this new hairdresser was the importance of product for thick curly hair.

My curls always looked puffy and frizzy because I never used enough product. I was using the same amount I did when I straightened my hair, not realizing I needed four or five times that if I wanted the curls to keep their shape.

Now - with the right haircut and enough product - it takes me 10 minutes (!) to do my hair, start to finish. No chair, audiobook, or vacuum required.

No longer is my life ruled by trying to align my workouts with time to blow-dry my hair. I will never have "wash and wear" hair, but I can live with 10 minutes.

For the first time in my nearly 45-years on this planet, I can work with the curls I have.

I feel like I have my life back.

I feel liberated.

I feel like I can be truly myself.

I mean, what's not to love? Photo by Sam Carter on Unsplash

CONCLUSION

My hairdresser once said "If people were happy with the hair they had, I would go out of business."

I wish I could get back all the time and money I spent in trying to change my hair.

Wishing for what we don't have and spending a significant amount of energy chasing it is a fruitless endeavour.

Wanting to be other than who we are is a waste of our unique and beautiful selves.

It's very liberating not to fight our true nature.

To learn to lean in and work with what we have.

In that process of acceptance, it's important to take stock of what we have (aka - get real) and find experts who can help us learn to work with it.

The mistake I made was that I spent a lifetime finding people who were experts in fighting the curl instead of those who were experts in working with it.

I had to first accept what I had, and then find someone who could work with that.

Acceptance is the key that opens so many doors.

Now when I look in the mirror at my big head of curls, I feel more like myself.

Authenticity for the win, always.

Little me. Image Credit: Author

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You might be asking yourself "How does this topic relate to recovery from binge-eating?" What I found is that - for me - finding new ways of thinking about life and its challenges helped me to stop stress-eating, and has been a very big part of my ability to stop binge-eating.

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