INTROVERTS vs EXTROVERTS: Is Myers Briggs Nonsense?

What's the difference? Photo by Chris Arthur-Collins on Unsplash

THE TWO TYPES

I think it's safe to assume that at this point in your life, you've heard the terms "Introvert" and "Extrovert."

Maybe you've even taken a personality test to define which you are, or maybe it's always been obvious to you.

Extroverts are thought of as loud and outgoing, whereas Introverts are seen to be quiet and shy.

Although these traits might be accurate, they also may not be. And they don't accurately define the difference between the two types.

See, whether you're an introvert or an extrovert isn't necessarily about how you present to the world (aka - loud or quiet) but about how you feel around the world (aka - people).

Let me explain.

I THOUGHT I WAS AN EXTROVERT

For most of my life, I thought I was an extrovert, because that's what I was told by those around me.

I've never, ever been shy. (A friend nicknamed me "Boldylocks.")

And I don't think anyone who's ever known me would describe me as quiet.

In school, public speaking was one of my favourite activities (still is) and I even won a speech contest when I was nine.

To the world around me, I appeared to be an extrovert.

SECRET INTROVERT

I struggled under the weight of being defined as an extrovert.

Left to my own devices... I generally preferred to be left to my own devices. 

That is to say, I generally preferred being alone to being with others. I would spend hours alone reading or writing, or in some other solitary and reflective pursuit. (To this day, the only card game I know how to play is solitaire.)

If I did spend time with friends, I preferred to be one-on-one rather than in a big group. (I've never enjoyed group dynamics. So much drama...)

But since I was - apparently - an extrovert, I felt a constant nagging guilt about how much time I wanted to spend alone.

I felt that I should be more interested in going out, should want to be around people more than I did.

But although I did enjoy social interactions, I always felt tired afterwards.

WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR ENERGY?

And that right there is the difference between being an Introvert or an Extrovert.

Does being around people make you feel energized? Do you feel as though your batteries are re-charged when you're in a big group?

Or does being around people make you feel tired? Do you feel as though your batteries are drained by the time you get home?

Just like me, you might be very outgoing but still feel like you want a whole lot of alone time.

See what I mean?

The characteristics that you present to the world aren't necessarily a reflection of whether you're an introvert or an extrovert.

It's about what activities make you feel energized.

Group activities = lots of energy = you're probably an extrovert.

Solitary activities = lots of energy = you're probably an introvert.

I did not know this. Photo by Joel J. Martínez on Unsplash

ENTER: MYERS BRIGGS

It wasn't until I took a Myers Briggs personality-type test that I finally started to better understand myself.

According to this test, you are one or the other of each of the following traits:

(E) Extraversion or (I) Introversion 

(S) Sensing or (N) Intuition 

(T) Thinking or (F) Feeling 

(J) Judging or (P) Perceiving 

There are a total of 16 possible letter combinations, each of which represents a different personality type.

I took this test and discovered I was an INFJ = (I) Introversion / (N) Intuition / (F) Feeling / (J) Judging.

One of the main characteristics of an INFJ is that they can be very outgoing, in spite of the fact that they are introverts.

EXAMPLE: Oprah is an INFJ. You cannot argue that with the world stage she is on, the last thing you would label her as is shy. But she is a self-proclaimed introvert.

I suddenly understood myself better than I ever had.

IT'S IN THE WAY THAT YOU USE IT

Some people say Myers Briggs is utter bunk and accuse it of being no better than a newspaper horoscope.

I say: if it helps you somehow, and isn't hurting anyone, then why not?

However, just like with the horoscope, I wouldn't go making any major life decisions based on it.

But if it can help you better understand yourself and those around you, what's the harm?

EXAMPLE: When I started dating my now husband, he kept saying things that made me think "Hmm, that sounds a lot like me..." I strongly suspected he might be a similar Myers-Briggs type - IN... something for sure.

I convinced him to take the test without telling him what I was.

He came back and said "I'm an INFJ."

INFJ's are the rarest Myers Briggs type; according to the MBTI manual, only 1.5% of the population fit this type.

Image Credit: MBTI Manual

I was both incredulous and not surprised at all. We understood each other so well, and agreed on so many things that it made sense we were both the same type.

Did I base my decision to marry him on the fact that he's the same Myers Briggs type?

No.

But did use it as one more thing in the growing list of reasons that validated my decision?

Absolutely.

CONCLUSION

The point of recognizing whether you're an introvert or an extrovert is not to be defined by the label, but to work with it.

You cannot create your best life if you don't understand yourself; what you need, what makes you come alive, what drains you.

I spent a lifetime making decisions based on the extroverted person I thought I was.

Now that I realize I'm an introvert, I make decisions based on that - e.g. I know that my maximum for social plans on the weekend is one outing. The rest of the weekend is about spending time with my husband, going to the gym for yoga or spin, cooking and cleaning, and hopefully a bit of rest time.

I've learned the hard way that double-booking myself on the weekend (aka - pretending I'm an extrovert) means I'll be emotionally drained and dragging all week, so I generally don't do it.

Knowing yourself helps you make the day-to-day decisions that shape your life.

Labels can be confining, or they can be a useful tool.

Like I said, it's in the way that you use it.

Shh. I'm taking a "post-peopling" nap. Photo by Taylor Sondgeroth on Unsplash

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You might be asking yourself "How does this topic relate to recovery from binge-eating?" What I found is that - for me - finding new ways of thinking about life and its challenges helped me to stop stress-eating, and has been a very big part of my ability to stop binge-eating.

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