Let Go of What Other People Think of You

There's a whole wide world out there. Photo by Afif Ramdhasuma on Unsplash

All of us - to some extent - care what others think of us.

And the extent to which we care is the size of the cage we put ourselves in.

The more we care about the opinions of others, the bigger the cage, the more inhibited we are, and the more prone we are to take our cues on what to do / say / be from the world around us.

The less we care, the smaller the cage, the freer we become to just be our authentic selves.

I see you. Photo by Giulia Pugliese on Unsplash

REALITY CHECK: It's really hard not to care what others think, and I'm not trying to suggest this as a goal. 

I think that would be impossible unless you're someone who lacks self-awareness to the extreme. (Aka a narcissist or a toddler...same, same but different...).

But we can learn to care less, and one of the ways we can do that is by accepting the fact that we are each the villain in somebody's story.

I am somebody's villain. Image Credit: Pawel Janiak on Unsplash

It doesn't matter if - upon hearing the narrative that someone has of us - we feel that it's entirely wrong. From their perspective, this is the truth of how they see us and there's nothing we can do to change their opinions, because we have no control over someone else's mind.

We can't control what other people think, so we have to stop trying to control the narrative others have of us. Allowing other people to have to have their own faulty perceptions of us can actually be quite liberating.

How do I know this?

Because I've literally spent a lifetime trying to convince my family that I'm not crazy, not bipolar, and that it's actually their treatment of me - the physical, mental and verbal abuse over a lifetime - that had caused me to act out or lash out in anger.

But they won't hear it, won't accept it. They won't take responsibility for their actions, so the easiest explanation is that I'm mentally unhinged. This is the reason they give to extended family for why I've cut them off.

Trying to repeatedly prove my sanity so throughly sapped my energy that I finally got to a point where I let go. (Also, running around proclaiming "I'm not crazy" over and over again kinda makes you sound like you are...know what I mean?)

I decided that it was easier to let them tell others that I was crazy, rather than using my precious time and emotional energy in trying to fight the lies.

So I let them think what they want, and that has been very freeing.

Free to roam. Photo by Thomas Vuillemin on Unsplash

The thing is, we have no right to control another's narrative; no one can have access over our minds if we don't allow them to. Viktor Frankl illustrated this beautifully in his book Man's Search for Meaning about his experience as a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp, where he proved through his experience of survival that no one has jurisdiction over our thoughts.

You are entitled to think what you want, just the way others are entitled to think what they want.

The need to have others see us in a particular light is what causes us to be inauthentic; to twist, to bend, to edit our true expression of ourselves.

We can't help it, and we all do it to a certain extent. But being aware of it can be helpful in the quest to becoming more authentic.

"With this action, am I trying to control someone else's narrative of me?"

Trying to control the narrative is what keeps us stuck trying to impress people who don't matter.

Image Credit: Author

The key to authenticity is making peace with other people's - at times - faulty perceptions of us.

It also allows us the space to ask a more important question: "What do I think of me?"

---

I have no right to control how you see me, so I accept your faulty perception of me.

What you think of me cannot matter, because what I think of myself is what matters most.

I will not dance for you. Image Credit: Photo by Sivani Bandaru on Unsplash

---

You might be asking yourself "How does this topic relate to recovery from binge-eating?" What I found is that - for me - finding new ways of thinking about life and its challenges helped me to stop stress-eating, and has been a very big part of my ability to stop binge-eating.

---

For more on changing your mindset and imagining good things click ⭐ here ⭐ to get my guide on Visualizations — yours FREE with subscription to my site.

---

Hey Friend! Thanks for reading. If you loved 💙 this post, why not subscribe? I promise to keep showing up for you with high-quality, thought-provoking content. Because every day is a good day to feel your best.

---

---