"Everybody" and Their Opinions
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| Gosh, I have so many thoughts on that; can't wait to share! Photo by Travis Leery on Unsplash |
"Ah yes. Everybody seems to know what everybody thinks. It’s fascinating to get a bunch of people together and ask about everybody, because, though each individual is convinced that he or she has a finger on the pulse of some universal Zeitgeist, each of their Everybodies turns out to be a very small slice of the human pie...
In fact, everybody’s Everybody is composed of just a few key people. Our social nature makes us long to fit in with a larger group, but it’s difficult to hold the tastes and opinions of more than five or six individuals in your mind. So the resourceful social self creates a kind of shorthand: it picks up on a few people’s attitudes, emblazons them on your brain, and extrapolates this image until it covers the entire known universe. The vague compilation of folks you call everybody is what psychologists term 'the generalized other.'"
According to Worldometer, there are over 8-billion people (and counting!) on the planet.
That's a lot of people.
Like, a lot.
All of those people have opinions; everybody thinks something about almost everything and everyone in their lives.
But with over 8-billion people on the planet, we simply cannot afford to care what everybody thinks. (Can you even imagine??)
We have to choose whose opinions we allow in, and often that happens through redefining our "Everybody Group."
Wait, what does that even mean "redefining our Everybody Group"? Isn't everybody, well, everybody?
Funny that; it actually isn't.
Alright before I go any further, let's define what I mean by everybody.
Everybody is the group of people you think of when you say "If I do this / say that, then EVERYBODY will think..."
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| What will they think of me? Photo by Martin Podsiad on Unsplash |
See, everybody isn't real - my everybody and your everybody aren't the same. The people I'm convinced will judge me, aren't the same group of people you're convinced will judge you.
As it turns out, we can only hold the opinions of about a handful of people in our minds at once. Meaning that when we say everybody, we're only talking about, like, 5 or 6 people. (Clearly that's not 8-billion; ergo not everybody.)
Why does all of this even matter?
Because much of the time we fail to authentically express ourselves; we're convinced that the all-knowing and all-powerful EVERYBODY will judge us.
But, if we change the half-dozen people in our Everybody Group, we create more space to be ourselves.
Aside from helping us in our day-to-day lives, this can also help us when it comes to writing or creating; the reality is that we will never produce anything that pleases everybody. We have to create for a small group of carefully chosen folks; preferably a group of people who are open to the work we're doing.
When I first started writing, I imagined a hostile audience who didn't understand my perspective. I assumed my readers would be as unkind, judgemental, and close-minded as the people I grew up around. (Turns out my Everybody Group was made up of my family. "Danger, Will Robinson!)
My tone ended up being one of defensiveness and over-explanation. I felt I had to justify myself to my readers just the way I'd had to justify myself to my parents when I was a kid.
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| Look at that fool. Who does he think he is? Photo by Polina Kuzovkova on Unsplash |
But now that I've walked away from my family (and they're no longer in my Everybody Group) I'm writing more freely and authentically. The words flow from a peaceful and heart-felt place, instead of spewing from my frightened and wounded ego.
Anyone who believes in themselves and their work doesn't need to justify it; when I assume that I have a receptive audience, I can write more honestly.
That positive shift happened because I redefined my Everybody Group; I removed the unsupportive judgmental people, and replaced them with people who are interested and curious about what I have to say.
That's made sitting down to write easier; it's made existing in this world easier.
All because I redefined my Everybody Group.
So...who's in your Everybody Group, and do they really deserve a seat at the table?
You're the CEO of your life; hire and fire accordingly.
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| I don't always share my opinions, but when I do, they're scathing. Photo by Lucas Gallone on Unsplash |
You might be asking yourself "How does this topic relate to recovery from binge-eating?" What I found is that - for me - finding new ways of thinking about life and its challenges helped me to stop stress-eating, and has been a very big part of my ability to stop binge-eating.
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