DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING: It’s Ok Not to Have an Answer About Forever
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| A swimsuit and stilettos have failed to solve all my problems. Photo by Zohre Nemati on Unsplash |
In a previous post, I talked about how you should focus on simply doing the next right thing, because asking “What am I supposed to do with my life?” is too big a question. Don't worry about defining your entire life; always and forever, just do the next right thing.
But how are you supposed to know what the next right thing is?
By being honest with yourself about the only possible next step from where you are in your life right now. Accepting the reality of where you're at and what you can actually do - what makes sense to do - in your present situation.
REALITY CHECK
EXAMPLE: If you dream of being of being healthy and fit, but you currently live off of food that comes from a box and you haven't exercised a day in your life, your next right thing isn't to run a marathon.
Your next right thing is as small and simple as getting off the couch and walking around the block (and maybe to the grocery store to buy a vegetable).
Yes, it's a long way from the couch to the starting line for that marathon.
But you can get there if you just do the next right thing. (After you walk around the block, you might walk around the city, and then you might start jogging, who knows? The world IS your oyster.)
You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end - which you can never afford to lose - with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
- Jim Stockdale (aka The Stockdale Paradox)
THE PRESENT MOMENT
You have to live life from where you are. You can't live life five steps ahead (as the person who's ready to run the marathon); you have to take the steps that are here for you to take right now (as the person who's finally ready to get off the couch).
It's a delicate dance between optimism - yes you can do it - and realism - but you've got your work cut-out for you.
I've often been guilty of feeling disheartened because the grand visions I have for my life are so very far from my current reality.
And sometimes because of this chasm, I do nothing... (Which I know is ridiculous, but I also know I'm not the only one.)
When I'm anxious or feeling lost, I need to remind myself that I can't solve all of my life's problems in an instant. I can't get to where I want to go without taking the steps between here and there.
I've repeatedly caused my own stress by demanding that I immediately come up with solutions to ALL THE THINGS in that moment when I'm falling apart.
(That's definitely the best time to re-evaluate life choices; right in the middle of an epic ugly-cry.)
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| Waah... What am I supposed to doooo... Image Credit: Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash |
In those moments, I have to dial-back to the present moment and ask "What's the NEXT right thing here? What do I have to do right now?"
If I've been crying (which is usually the result of thinking too much about what I'm supposed to do with my life), then it's as simple as going to wash my face.
What about you? Is the next right thing as simple as cooking dinner, picking up the kids from school, going to a yoga class?
Just do the next right thing.
OPTIMISM vs REALISM
Remember it's a delicate dance between optimism - yes you can start writing a book - and realism - but the dog just puked on the rug.
(In case you haven't been following closely, the next right thing in this case would be to clean the vomit. The book will have to wait.)
Identifying the next right thing is about being in alignment with what's in front of you at this very moment.
If you spend your whole life doing nothing but the next right thing - with the right thing being defined as whatever your life dictates - you'll live a good life, I promise you.
How do I know this?
Because inevitably, you will be led to follow your curiosities, and you'll discover your true self and live your best life.
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| Me in Egypt. Summer 2009. Image Credit: Author |
I need to keep reminding myself that doing the next right thing has caused me to lead a fascinating life; I've worked on a cruise ship, become a professional scuba diver, and learned Spanish while living in Argentina - and that's just for starters.
All because I was at points in my life that dictated those actions as being the next right thing for me.
WHAT ABOUT GOALS?
It might feel as though focusing only on the next right thing is a haphazard way to live; what about plans and goals and all the things you want to accomplish?
Those are good; have goals, have dreams. A goal is a lighthouse that guides you in a particular direction.
But if the goal seems very far away, and the path to getting there isn't straightforward (almost never) then it can feel disheartening; it can feel as though you're lost because you don't see any co-relation between what you're doing right now and where you want to eventually end up.
Sometimes the purpose of a goal is only to give you guidance on the general direction of the next right thing.
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| I'm only a guide. Photo by Keith Luke on Unsplash |
Maybe your goal was to run a marathon, but once you become healthy and fit, the marathon doesn't matter as much because you realize all you really wanted was the energy and stamina to play with your kids.
Remember, the next right thing isn't a grand vision about what you need to do in two months from now, two years from now - it's about today; it's about right NOW.
It's ok not to have an answer about forever, is what I'm saying.
WHOLEHEARTED LIVING
It's enough to focus wholeheartedly on the next right thing.
And the wholehearted part is important. To step forward confidently and immerse yourself in whatever life is offering up in this present moment.
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| Open. Photo by Fernando Brasil on Unsplash |
And if it's not the right thing?
If it turns out to be wrong?
You'll only know that if you step forward wholeheartedly.
It’s better to make a mistake with the full force of your being than to carefully avoid mistakes with a trembling spirit.
Folks, that's the definition of LIVING - to be fully and wholeheartedly immersed in living the present moment.
It's not about living in a constant state of waiting to arrive somewhere - "when I've reached this goal or that" - it's about full immersion in the next right thing in front of you. Which will lead you to another next right thing, and another.
And when you do that consistently over the course of your life, then at the end you'll be able to look back and say you truly lived.
Whenever I feel as though there's somewhere I'm supposed to arrive at (the magical land of "there" where everything is perfect), I get very stressed out, and my life becomes frantic. I start to rush and get impatient.
But as soon as I detach from specific goals and simply focus on doing the next right thing, I chill out and life gets calmer.
Your life will unfold naturally as a result of continuously and wholeheartedly doing the next right thing.
Always and only the next right thing.
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| Image Credit: Unknown You might be asking yourself "How does this topic relate to recovery from binge-eating?" What I found is that - for me - finding new ways of thinking about life and its challenges helped me to stop stress-eating, and has been a very big part of my ability to stop binge-eating. Hey Friend! Thanks for reading. If you loved 💙 this post, why not subscribe? I promise to keep showing up for you with high-quality, thought-provoking content. Because every day is a good day to feel your best.   |
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