CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE: Why Commitment is Good
“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.”
Wouldn't it be nice if life was like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel? Where you could just go back to critical points in the story of your life and live out a different ending based on a different choice?
When I used to read these novels as a kid, that's what I would do; I would go back to the decision points and read every single ending because I was fascinated by the prospect that - by making a different choice - the story would end differently.
Don't you think that would be the absolute coolest thing? If we could actually see how our lives would turn out differently with each decision?
Unfortunately, we can't do that.
Such a fun thing to think about, but not a reality.
Then why bother bringing up these la-la land fantasies at all?
Since we can't test out every possible life path, we choose no particular path and end up floating like driftwood on the sea of life. (Tragic!)
Life is like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel in the sense that you do get to choose which path you'd like to navigate.
You can choose any path, but you can't choose all the paths: "Here's what my life would have been like if I had done X instead of Y, Y instead of X, or if I'd just skipped X and Y altogether and gone straight to Z."
You can do anything, but you can't do everything.
At some point you have to choose; you have to let go of all possible versions of your life in order to commit; to Choose Your Own Adventure.
Why should you commit?
Because the grass isn't greener on the other side, it's greener wherever you water it. (aka - committing all your resources to ensuring this one patch of grass flourishes.)
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| I'm gonna water this patch right here. Photo by Tiago Vasconcelos on Unsplash |
That means in order to flourish, you have to commit.
You have to say 'yes' to one path and one version of yourself, which means saying 'no' to all the others.
People are generally much happier when they close other options down.
Because this seems like such a big decision, many people are hesitant to choose and end up wandering aimlessly through life, feeling lost and purposeless.
I know this first-hand because in many ways, it's what I've done.
I've started again - again and again - while trying to find the ONE thing that would define me; the ONE path that would be the 'right' path.
But what I've learned along the way is there's no ONE version of me, and no ONE path I need to walk.
Now this might sound contradictory to what I've said above, but what we ALL forget in the process of commitment, is that we can always change our minds.
The only permanent decisions in life are kids and tattoos. (I have none of the former and too many of the latter.)
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| The tattoo on my left hip. Image Credit: Author |
Aside from having children and getting a tattoo, every decision is reversible to some extent; there's always an exit.
It might not be a pleasant one, but it's there. (e.g. - If you decide to get married, and then discover that ooops, that just wasn't for you, you can change your mind and get a divorce. Not fun, but definitely reversible.)
That's what you might forget when you're trying to decide on the best life path or the best version of yourself; you can always start again; you can always redefine yourself.
What I'm suggesting is that you commit fully and wholeheartedly to one path while you're on it, knowing that you can always choose a different path if and when you want to.
Choose Your Own Adventure...for right now.
Just because one particular life choice wasn't a "forever" path, doesn't mean it was the "wrong" decision. It was right at that time for who you were then, but then you outgrew it and that's ok.
Just because one particular life choice wasn't a "forever" path, doesn't mean it was the "wrong" decision. It was right at that time for who you were then, but then you outgrew it and that's ok.
It's incredibly important to recognize when you've outgrown certain situations so that you can let them go gracefully and make room for the next right thing.
I know that letting go - re-inventing yourself - can be hard, because living in the chasm of having let go of the old thing but not having the new thing yet can be scary; how do you define yourself and your life then?
That's why learning to reiterate is a must.
Because when you do, you realize that every decision isn't so weighty; there's less gravitas. When you know how to reiterate, you let go more easily and you're not afraid to begin again.
I've been (among many things) a full-time baker, a professional scuba diver, and a corporate events manager; I've re-invented myself again and again.
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| #1 - A promo for my cookie company. #2 - Diving in the Red Sea. Image Credit: Author |
All of those paths were the right decision for me at the time, but none of them were my final destination; that's ok.
Part of the reason I hit the reset button so many times was that I tried to live out every version of myself. I was scared of choosing the wrong thing, so I chose ALL THE THINGS.
Those other paths and versions of myself were amazing and have made me into a well-rounded person with lots of fascinating stories to tell.
But I've become aware of the fact that if I want to make real progress in any one area, then I need to focus instead of scattering my energy.
Pick the patch of grass I want to water, so to speak.
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| Why focus matters. Image Credit: Unknown |
In life, you can do anything, but you can't do everything, so choosing a path - any path - is better than not choosing at all.
"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."
Not making a decision because you're afraid of making the wrong decision is a choice in itself.
You'll still get some sort of result, but it'll be an accidental outcome as you're carried along by the whims of life.
Better to have a deliberate result from a course you've set for yourself and navigated towards.
So commit.
Choose something.
Choose anything. (But not everything.)
Choose YOUR OWN adventure.
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| My tattooed feet about to dip into the Red Sea. Image Credit: Author |
You might be asking yourself "How does this topic relate to recovery from binge-eating?" What I found is that - for me - finding new ways of thinking about life and its challenges helped me to stop stress-eating, and has been a very big part of my ability to stop binge-eating.
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