JUST BE YOURSELF: Get Better at What You're Good At

Me? Why, I'm good at everything. Photo by Zdeněk Macháček on Unsplash

At a certain point in your life, you have a pretty good idea of what you are and aren't good at.

Fine, yes, you can get better at the things you're not good at.

And I would even say that - when life presents you with those opportunities - you should lean into them and improve your dubious skills.

But spending considerable time and energy improving on something that isn't in your arena? That you just weren't born equipped to excel at?

Why?

Seriously - why?

If the skill you're being asked to acquire isn't one that's crucial to accomplishing your life (something you need in order to do your current job, for example), then I say don't bother.

Don't bother because it's not worth it; you'll just end up feeling incompetent.

Here's a quote that's often attributed to Albert Einstein which nicely explains this concept.

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it's stupid.

Fish don't climb trees and it would be really dumb - ludicrous even - to judge a fish by the fact that he really sucks at tree-climbing.

I mean, a fish doesn't have arms, how is he expected to even begin contemplating the accomplishment of this task? 

Duh, right?

I'm pointing out the obvious.

"Ha! You don't have arms!" "Well neither do you, fool." Photo by Worachat Sodsri on Unsplash

What I'm trying to say here is - where in YOUR life are you a fish who's trying to climb a tree?

Where in your life are you out of your arena?

Identify that and then stop judging yourself for coming up short.

PERSONAL EXAMPLE
When I was 5-years old, I wanted more than anything to be a ballerina. My parents enrolled me in ballet, and I was so excited because my dreams to be on stage were about to come true.

For our final recital, I wished with all of my little heart to be cast in one of the flower roles because they got to wear pink tutus, and as a 5-year-old girl, the colour pink was where it was at.

However as it turns out, I had ZERO coordination, so I was cast in one of the tree roles (just stand in the back with your arms up and twirl slowly in place) and had to wear a green tutu.

GREEN. 

Not pink.

A TRAVESTY. 

I quit ballet immediately after.

Me, being a tree. Image Credit: Author

I have repeatedly tried taking different dance classes throughout my life; modern dance, belly dance, pole dance (!), ballroom, salsa, you name it, I've tried it.

I've finally - finally - conceded the fact that I simply cannot dance when there's a requirement to remember specific steps. 

Now, I can get down and boogie on any dance floor, as long as I don't have to think about the steps. But the moment that my brain gets involved and I need to think about what I'm doing, I start to analyze and become paralyzed.

Dance is not my arena. On a good day, walking is about the extent of the coordination I can manage (although the amount of times I accidentally slam into walls makes even that a dubious skill) so I'm not going to judge myself in that arena.

And the truth is, whether or not I ever become a better dancer just doesn't matter. I'm not trying to become a Broadway star, so who cares?

The thing is, whenever I was in a dance class, and everyone but me seemed to get the steps quickly, I always got sooo frustrated

I didn't realize that I was a fish trying to climb a tree; that the dancing stage wasn't MY stage.

Sometimes, we can get so focused on the fact that we're in an arena surrounded by people who are really good at the thing we're not good at, that we start thinking that this is something we MUST get better at, without actually asking ourselves if we care about the skill.

You know what is my stage though? Where I get to be a fish in water? (a.k.a. - my natural habitat - my ARENA.)

The speaking stage.

I'm an AWESOME public speaker. Put me in front of an audience and put a mic in my hand and I'm on fire.

Me at Toastmasters. Image Credit: Author

I've achieved my Gold-level Advanced Speaker certification with Toastmasters International because I'm really good.

I'll bet if any of the people that I attended dance classes with had their ballet slippers taken away and a mic shoved into their hands instead, they would falter.

Because that's not their arena

But it is MINE.

REAL-WORLD EXAMPLE
Think about it: you would never expect the insanely talented basketball player LeBron James to excel at gymnastics.

The average height for elite male gymnasts is 5'6" with an ideal weight range of 130-150 lbs.

According to Wikipedia, LeBron is 6'9' and 250 lbs. The man is like a walking skyscraperHe can't vault in the air and land on a balance beam at that size! (That poor beam, if he did try though...)

Photo by TJ Dragotta on Unsplash

LeBron James wasn't born to excel at gymnastics.

But...who the hell cares?!

He's amazing at basketball and for him to waste time trying to become a great gymnast when he was so clearly born to excel at something else would be totally insane right? (Right...?)

The idea that we can all be anything we want is unrealistic at best, and an outright lie at worst.

We were each born to excel at different things, and we need to take realistic stock of what we are and aren't good at, and focus on excelling in those arenas.

Now I'll ask you again, where in YOUR life are you a fish who's trying to climb a tree?

Identify that and then stop judging yourself for coming up short.

Don’t feel bad for not being good at things that aren’t in your wheelhouse; leave the trees to the monkeys, and go be your awesome fish-self.

Just being fishy. (But not, like, bad 'fishy,' know what I mean?) Photo by David Clode on Unsplash



You might be asking yourself "How does this topic relate to recovery from binge-eating?" What I found is that - for me - finding new ways of thinking about life and its challenges helped me to stop stress-eating, and has been a very big part of my ability to stop binge-eating.



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